


From One Doctor To Another: A Brand New Whovian Reflects On Where She Is and On What Lies Ahead

by c4bl3fl4m3



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Essays, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:54:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23109595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c4bl3fl4m3/pseuds/c4bl3fl4m3
Summary: When I found myself on a cusp of becoming a new Whovian, I found it prudent to write down my thoughts, to mark the occasion.
Kudos: 3





	From One Doctor To Another: A Brand New Whovian Reflects On Where She Is and On What Lies Ahead

**Author's Note:**

> This piece was originally posted on A Teaspoon & An Open Mind (the DW fandom archive). I guess they removed their essays section, because it is no longer there. It was crossposted to deviantArt on November 24, 2007, which I believe is close to if not the original publishing date. I thought I'd crosspost it here for posterity. (It's also interesting to read through it now and see what I got right and so-sadly-terribly-wrong about the fandom.)
> 
> (Rated Teen & Up because of brief mentions of sexuality & BDSM.)
> 
> Original Notes:  
> Realizing that I'm at a unique place in my fandom life, I found it prudent to write down my thoughts. (And I found it ESPECIALLY prudent to make my first piece be this instead of a fanfiction.) So here's some late night thoughts and ramblings on this important occasion in my fanlife. It's certainly not complete... I may edit it later or write another one.

I know a new fandom coming on when I see one. Heck, I can see it coming from a mile away. I know those feelings inside, that excitement, that sudden possession of my mind that willingly, needily, desperately plunges itself headfirst into the new world I'm learning about. I've had it happen to me enough times now at various ages in my life that at this point, it's familiar. In fact, I can even control whether or not I let myself fall for a new fandom. (As you may know, one doesn't always want a new one. I'm a one track mind kind of gal when it comes to fandoms, and I'm not always ready to let go of the last one. Of course, one doesn't HAVE to let go of the old one, but having done this enough times, I know it's inevitable. If the new one is strong enough, and the old one is old enough, the old gets forgotten, brushed aside in the excitement and the passion of the new. Anyway, sometimes you feel like you "owe" the old one some extra time, and so you pass by an opportunity for a new fanning object, perhaps with the possibility of choosing it later, perhaps not.)

It's quite a bit like falling in love, really. The feelings are (eerily? naw.) similar. In fact, most of the feelings are the same, just translated a bit different. (In fact, the one track mind, getting swept up in the new and discarding the old is a problem I have in my relationships, but that's a different essay altogether.) The excitement of the new, the blush of warmth, the suppressed giggles, and the tiniest bit of embarrassment you feel when you see or hear something that even remotely reminds you of your new fandom, the tendency to see and hear your new fandom everywhere, the fear of accidentally having fandom related Freudian slips on the job or at school... oh, new obsession is SO sweet and so exciting, whether it's someone "imaginary" or "real" that you're infatuated with.

And, you know, it doesn't take much to get sucked into a new fandom. With me, it only took 2 episodes.

Yes, I have a new fandom. I'm a newly minted Doctor Who fan. A wee bairn Whovian. I laid my eyes on Chris Eccleston for 2 episodes, and that's all it took. I knew what I was feeling inside. It wasn't the usual complete obsession, first blush of love. Rather, this time, it was POTENTIAL. I knew if I kept watching, and I let myself, I would have a new fandom... and an emotionally major one at that.

I suppose I should give some background. I have a number of friends who like Doctor Who. I have 2 in particular who are great fanboys of the series, and one who has had it as his main fanboy obsession for most of his life. Because of these friends, I knew I wanted to expose myself to the series that brings them so much joy. As I tell my mother this while visiting her a few months ago, she tells me "Oh, you've seen it before. You used to love to watch it as a little girl with your father." Whereas I've always prided myself on my ability to remember things from my very early childhood, I had no recollection whatsoever of ever watching the show. However, my father does enjoy some sci-fi, especially ones where mysteries need to be solved, so it's not entirely out of character. And after she mentioned it, I think I did remember watching something like it at one time.

A little more background. My previous fandom to this was another Good Doctor. Doctor Octopus, from Spider-Man. I was completely immersed in this fandom for a good year or so, being introduced to it by a number of Syndrome (from The Incredibles) fangirls. Doc Ock fandom was my life for a goodly number of months. I've written and cowritten fanfic and erotic fanfic for it, I've beta-ed other people's works, I've done many many hours of freeform role play, both online and in person. I even got a girlfriend from it. (Heck, the first girl I ever loved, I met through Syndrome fandom, and she's the one who really got me into Doc Ock.) It was through these fandoms that I was introduced to the concept of fandom itself and to its etiquette and syntax. I learned about ! as a designator for the version, I learned about fanfiction communities and beta-ing, I learned about FFRP vs. storytelling 3rd person RP. And I learned some of what not to do, and almost always by the hard way. Oh, and of course, I learned about fandom drama and wangst. (Once again, by the hard way. Ugh.)

So here I am. At the edge of a new fandom. Oh, the obsession's set in hard, now. I can't stop thinking about him. I keep listening to whomixes of the theme song. (Great theme song, btw. It lends fantastically to remixing.) I want to read fanfic on the subway instead of my book.

So I had to go through the first thing that you go through when you get a new fandom, the first question you have to answer, and that's: "Do I want to be with the object of my fanning, or do I want to BE the object of my fanning?" The question of Time Lord vs. Companion flitted through my head. Usually I want a bit of both. This time, however, I seem to have settled on Companion, with maybe the possibility of being transformed into a Time Lord myself later.

Yeah, the possibility. That's another thing with this fandom. It's both small and huge at the same time. I don't mean the number of people, I mean the amount of canon and the complexity of the universe's details that you have to learn. On the one hand, being that I was introduced to the Ninth Doctor, there's extremely little canon. I've watched the entirety of canon for him. (Now I have to track down the novels and the comics, but still). And unlike Doc Ock, where it's traditional to never permanently get rid of a Marvel villain (as Stan Lee himself said, it's hard to come up with a new villain every time, so you gotta keep your old ones around), and there's multiple canon incarnations to keep the Good Doctor popping back into comics with, the Ninth Doctor is dead. He's gone. The Tenth Doctor is here, and the Ninth is no more. There IS no more chance for more canon. Things have been wrapped up neatly in some ways... a little too neatly, in fact.

In the ways that it's NOT wrapped up neatly is how the fandom is HUGE. Even though it's the Ninth Doctor I love, if you only take what you know of Doctor Who from that 1st series/season, you don't really KNOW much about Doctor Who at all. You know he's a Time Lord and that all the other Time Lords are dead at the hands (hands? not really. appendages?) of the Daleks due to the Time War. Jack mentions about being a former Time Agent, which, apparently, is different from a Time Lord somehow. You know the Doctor is an alien, and you know that the TARDIS takes you through time and space, and is alive. You know that the doctor reinvents/reincarnates himself somehow. But that's it.

But there's so much MORE to the Doctor Who universe. So much more to learn and know, and I'm not just talking about Doctors One through Eight. I'm talking more about his people. I'm talking about Gallifrey itself. I'm talking about Torchwood and the other past Companions. I'm talking about more on the Daleks. And I keep seeing mentions of Torchwood and this being called The Master whom I'm guessing to be another mortal enemy. And what the heck/who the heck is Rassilon? I know nothing about these things other than what I've asked my friends. I still don't know who this Sarah Jane lady is. There's SO MUCH to learn. There's SO MUCH to know. It's probably best if I learn it first instead of trying to learn it by taking in ALL the canon. The longest running sci-fi series... that's a LOT of canon. And that's why I don't feel prepared to be a Time Lord just yet or to play The Good Doctor himself. I don't KNOW enough yet about the background, even though I've seen the entirety of canon for the Ninth Doctor.

So here I am at the precipice of a new fandom. And I'm at that point that I'm sure you've been at before. That time before your first fanfic with the character. Sure, sometimes you enter a fandom and you start writing and it's easy. Othertimes, even after you know their complete canon, you STILL feel intimidated and afraid you don't know the character well enough to write them. Not knowing the details of the rest of the Who universe makes me wary to start writing, as I know I'll screw something up and feel like a fool. The Whovians I know are sharp, intelligent people who really know their stuff, and I have a feeling that the rest of the fandom is the same way. I have details I'd like to play with, but I don't know if they'd play well with established canon.

So here I am. From one doctor to another, and I'm ready to roll. As I'm a horrible stinking self-insertionist (some people may call that a Mary Sue, but I'm quick to make sure my self-insertion is not perfect, even in her flaws. She's very human. Hell, she's me.), I'm dying to put myself in there with The Doctor, let myself get close, and have him take me off on some wild time and space adventures. As I enjoy sexuality, and I have quite the crazy pervy streak in me, I want to take advantage of the dark side of the Doctor that we see sometimes ("You would make a good Dalek", anyone?) and write that into some dark sex/BDSM fic. (And, oh, thank God for a fandom that isn't afraid of it, that doesn't separate their sex fics from their non-sex fics.)

I know what I want. No full fledged plotbunnies yet, but I know that they're merely unborn, gestating in the womb, forming. It's only a matter of time until they're born and start hopping around in my head, demanding to be written. There's already little pieces of ideas that can be worked into a fic (but not be the whole thing) going around. There are minor characters that I became enamored to that died early (if this was Star Trek, I'd call them "red shirted ensigns")... I'd like to write some on their lives behind the scenes. My mind is already trying to figure out how to do some music videos or some songfics. I know what I want with The Doctor, from The Doctor. But I'm afraid to start writing, for fear of breaking canon without even knowing it. I do want to stay within canonical lines. I do believe firmly, for the most part, in the Sanctity of Canon.

So I'm reading, faving and reviewing, and I then see the Essay section. 'Tis a shame that deviantArt or FF.net never had that for fanfiction. I wrote a number of Doc Ock fanfiction essays.

So I step back and say YES. THIS is someplace I can contribute. THIS can be my first piece of many. I can write about what it's like to be a brand new Whovian.

I know where I am. I realize what a monumental occasion this is. I know the significance of where I am at right now. I'm at the peak, and I'm about to jump and the flight is about to begin. Oh, there's so much beauty in the tension, so much sweetness. I know I'm a newbie. I know I haven't earned my TARDIS key yet. I know there's so much to learn, and I know that things are going to happen in the future. How many stories will I write? How well will they be received? Who will I make friends with? (This is a much larger fandom than Doc Ock or even Syndy.) Will I make some fanboy friends this time too? (the Doc Ock fandom I was a part of, sadly, didn't have any fanboys of the Good Doctor) How will this change my life? What friends will I make? Will I find another Love, another girlfriend or maybe a boyfriend this time? Will this take me to far off places to meet other fans or attend conventions? What sort of cosplay will I find myself doing? How much money will be spent on swag? (Thank GOD for a fandom that has much swag easily available. Doc Ock fanthings, especially apparel for adults, are few, considering they never made that many to begin with. Gendo Ikari was impossible to find swag for!)

I'm here. I'm standing outside the TARDIS that is fandom. I've already run all over the city, saving the world with the Doctor. I've gotten to know him a bit. But now he's reaching his hand out, offering for me to come with him and join him on the adventures that fandom holds. The Doctors Octopus of my past have made their peace with me and their new "lives" and are waving fondly goodbye with their shiny metal tentacles, telling me it's ok to embark on this new adventure, with this new obsession. And I look back at the Doctor, his hand outstretched, his eyes burning pure and clear into mine, with a gaze that tells me it's alright, a gaze that, for some reason, makes me trust him, immediately and consummately. All I have to do now is take his hand and step inside.

It's going to be a wild ride.


End file.
